Ungrateful prick my friend is.
I’m the man who can’t be moved.
There are some things that you can’t really talk to just anyone about. I would keep it inside my heart, but I think I might just explode. Thank goodness there’s tumblr for me to bitch about anything I want other than using the usual handwritten journal (which I really used to keep!). When you have really nothing to occupy your life with, sometimes, you kind of allow stuffs that normally won’t do any damage to you to hurt you.
This post is more or less a follow-up of the previous long post i wrote. Once bitten twice shy - that should be the way I do things, in fact, that should be how everyone should be! It all seems like a deja vu to me now… I should have seen it coming. I guess a part of my heart still chooses to believe that good things can happen to me although I should have told myself, “It won’t happen your way, not this time.” People get hurt everyday after all, and I guess its more or less a retribution for being such a jerk to way too many people. It goes both ways, but it really sucks to be at the receiving end. Eventually, life is just going to dish out more crap and shove it in your face.That is something that no one can avoid, but there are a few things you can do.
Be the person who can’t be moved by things that happen around you, make your heart dead, deader than it is now. Don’t let things affect and get into you so easily. Even if one day, the crap that life dished out to you does get into you, learn to let go. Let go and live free.
It starts from my toes and I crinkle my nose - guess the song!!! Haha
Brought up that way?
Guess what…I’ve finally decided to return to tumblr to bitch about my boring life while listening to the song of the same title by Taylor Swift. But this post is going to be disappointing to some as, well… I’m still not revealing any details or what. The bottom line is I guess with all the spare time on my hands, sometimes I do ponder about what my life is going to be about, whats the ultimate “plan” and especially am I supposed to be brought up this way?
I do have a plan in life actually - to get married, settle down and have kids eventually - leading an apple-pie-boring-life. Actually, I think I will make a good husband and definitely a better father. In a challenging and complex world today, some things or some people would make you wonder if your “plan” is feasible after all, and even make you want to give up on your “plan”. This is particularly true when some things seem so good, so good that it almost makes you doubt their authenticity. Although these things may seem shady at times, your brain always try their best to tell you that it’s true and that you would finally get a big break in life (even after telling yourself all the crappy stuffs about life).
So, you told yourself, “Hey! Why not give it a try?” Of course, you would have expected everything to turn out wrong when it seems too good to be true. They always do, especially when they started out magical. The same stories just happen again and again in your life and eventually, it will get you all hopeless, demoralised and jaded. When such things happen, you would end up being in the same pathetic cycle again and it goes like this - (i) Leading your boring life with a plan, followed by (ii) Encountering something unexpected and wonderful, (iii) Thinking that your life can be different, (iv) Realising its only a dream and back to boring life again.
Finally, the cycle will end. It will just stay stagnant at stage (i) with no contingency plans. Simple and not complicated, I guess that’s the way I’m really brought up to be…
When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money.
That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.
Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.
I’m an empty person.
Sometimes I don’t really know what I am doing with my life…
I don’t really have a direction and I just float around, like a piece of driftwood.
I don’t really know how to enjoy the little things that happen around me.
I really need a purpose, a direction and at the same time, learn to enjoy life as I live it, no matter how crappy it is….
We are all learning I guess and if we really put our hearts into anything, I don’t think there would be failures.
Until then, I guess I’m still an empty person, one without a soul…
Sometimes if there is inaction for too long, there probably won’t have any action anymore.
The middle.
Life is all about being in the middle of something. We always seem to be waiting for something or someone all the time. We always want to hope that the person or thing we are waiting for would arrive the next minute, but it doesn’t happen all the time. Do we still hope or do we lose hope when we are in the middle?
Exposure
There are a lot of things in life that you didn’t know or have never seen before in your life and you want to feel what it feels like. But I feel that sometimes, when you really got that kinda exposure or experience, it would seem so wrong and it’s totally “not you”. At the end of the day it just makes you wonder, is that what you really want in your life or is it an initial shock because you can’t adhere to the truth?
Dear Felicia
I just wanted to say that although my posts are emo sometimes… Yours are way too negative for viewing on a peaceful Friday night. Haha
